Looking through my gallery, I found pictures from when I was alone. Not just alone alone but without you alone.
It took me back to a time where I thought I didn’t need you. A time where I wanted to try to make it on my own. A time where I thought I was stronger without you.
Just seeing that picture, a picture of something special, a picture that defined my time without you and I feel faint.
I feel nauseous. I feel like I’ve lost you all over again.
You’re the reason I question my own judgement.
Why did I ever want to let you go? Why did I ever think you were making my life worse? That you weren’t good for me? That you made me weaker? That I wasn’t strong enough to live on my own? That I needed to prove something?
How could I ever think that being with you was a mistake?
You challenge me.
Being with you doesn’t make me weaker but you remind me of how strong I can be.
You don’t tell me what I should do, you support the decisions I make.
You stood by me even when I was pushing you away.
You wouldn’t let me go through it alone even when I swore I wanted to be alone.
We went through it together even when “together” wasn’t something I wanted to be.
I’m sure you had your own doubts and questions but you never said anything to me about them. You never talked about how scared you were or how sometimes you didn’t want to be with me either.
In the end, I needed the path I took because it lead me back to being with you. It made the doubt go away. It made me realize how much I truly love you. How empty my life would be without you in it. How happy I am when I’m with you.
But baby, I’m sorry I ever put you through that.