It’s okay to be single

I know I’m not the best person to say this since I’ve been married for over a year. I’m going to throw that out there right now.

However, I was single before being married.

And I did not love myself.

What’s brought this up is watching the movie How to be Single. I wasn’t expecting much. I’ve seen enough rom coms to expect the boy to get the girl, blah blah blah.

It was almost like a mini Love Actually with different couples connected but everyone with their own story of finding love, finding themselves or, in the case of Rebel Wilson, just being kick ass and totally cool with herself and her life.

For a rom com, thanks to Rebel Wilson’s brash honesty, it spoke very openly about how someone can change when they enter a relationship.

I was very lucky to find myself while in a relationship and had a boyfriend/husband who was very supportive of that. That is not always the case.

For Alice, it’s a completely different journey and one that was not easy. Every fear about being alone, every expectation about love and relationships are right there. Enter Joe, a guy on the complete opposite side of the spectrum. His fear of settling and different expectations of love and relationships are also very much right there on screen.
It’s great how this all flawlessly connects into this realistic, modern look at being single.

I am a ball player and so can you

Co-ed rec leagues piss me off.

Nine times out of ten, the team organizers get female players as a warm body.

I saw this so many times last year playing in a softball team in Halifax that I started calling people out on it. It was numerous games into the season and female players were still left to their own devices, swinging baseball bats like hockey sticks and looking like fools.

So many times I’ve heard the excuses; it’s their first game, blah blah blah. At your first game, you should at least be showing them how to swing a bat, when to run, when to hold up, basic rules. Step up, people.

Next reason, I can hit. I’ve been able to swing a bat and hit a ball since I was four years old.

Don’t move up on me. Sure, yes, I can’t hit as far as some guys, but there is a point where you are just downright insulting.

Playing ball tonight, even in an intermediate league with experienced women, left field moved right up to the edge of the grass when I came up.

So let’s see. I had solid hits all game. I look like I know what I’m doing. I switch hit and hit off field, you’ve seen me do it. And yet, you move up to a point in the field that is downright insulting. Yeah, way to call it, buddy.

Guys, come on. Women can and do play sports.

Wanna to make your team stronger, if your girls can’t play, show them how. Women coming up to bat, give them a little credit until they show you otherwise.

Thank you, phenomenal women

Zen Pencil visualized this poem by Maya Angelou and it’s amazing.

Not only does it tell the life story of Angelou herself but also tells the story of millions of women who faught for gender and racial equality.

I thank these woman for paving the way to a better life for me and millions of women like me.

No one should forget these women; the pain they were caused by both men and woman who didn’t believe they were in their proper “place”, the hell they went through to be who they are and to do what they loved.

Don’t be afraid to be phenomenal. There is still a lot of work to be done.

http://zenpencils.com/comic/153-maya-angelou-phenomenal-woman/

It’s okay to talk about sexual assault

According to Statistics Canada, one in four girls and one in eight boys have been sexually abused by the time they are eighteen. Seventy per cent of rape victims in Canada know their rapist. How much of these statistics are children of divorce?

Divorce is understandable.

Sometimes marriage just doesn’t work out. With kids are involved, it is even more heartbreaking.

Divorcees not only have themselves to worry about when getting back into dating, they have to worry about the affect their new relationship will have on their kids and vice versa. What scares me, especially when it is children that I care about, is the fact that the relationship between parents and their new significant other is different than the child’s relationship with the significant other. The feelings of Mom or Dad being replaced, having someone/multiple someones in their lives or feeling like they don’t matter as much to their parents anymore can have an impact of kids growing up in two family homes.

Parents themselves can become blinded, both by an excitement of a new relationship and the pressures of the old one, that they could miss the signs if something goes wrong between step parents and children?

When a child is sexually assaulted by someone that is in a relationship with Mom or Dad, they may feel that their parent would side with their perpetrator since they are dating. Or feel that they are in the wrong when it is an adult doing it who they are supposed to trust.

Off the top of my head, I can think of a dozen little girls and boys in my life that this better not happen to but it’s one of those things that parents may miss or children don’t feel comfortable talking about.

After talking with one of these parents last night, I was told that his little girl says Mom’s new boyfriend is okay. This made me wonder, how do we know that this is true?

To parents I say, don’t let your children suffer in silence. Let children know that they can talk to you if something is wrong.

Advancement in the Workplace

So I went to some amazing shows at the Fringe in Saskatoon lately and one of these was called Bull’s Heart with Veenesh Dubois. Dubois plays a female Middle Eastern Canadian career woman dealing with work, family and her past. She admits to the audience that she made partner of her accounting firm by sleeping with her boss and that she understood that it was the only way she was going to make it in a male dominated profession.

This makes me curious on how the world sees professionals in the work place, which can mean anyone in these positions, especially people who are in CEOs and higher ups but in all reality, this problem is mostly affiliated with women. The more I think about it, the more I come to understand that it does not have to be just females relationships with their staff, but also senior staffs relationships with junior level staff.

In this article: http://www.businessinsider.com/sex-is-killing-the-workplace-2010-8, the percentages are rather low but that does not break up women by positions within the work place. Is it assumed that if you are female in a high position within a mostly male profession that the only way you could have gotten there is by sex? Even if you worked your ass off to get there are people quick to assume that since you are a woman, sex is the only way you got there?

Besides the obvious problems with this, the main one becomes how was sex is used? Senior staff can use the promise of promotions and pay raises to manipulate juniors into giving sex while the opposite could happen to, where junior staff can promise sex if the seniors will reward them. There is no possible way to knowing which happened first, so how can the behaviour be corrected or punished? I hope I never have to make that decision in my life but I also hope that my performance in a workplace is not measured by whether I put out or not.

Reality and acceptance

I don’t like homophobes, bigots, uptight or self righteous people. I’m not saying I’m not one some times but I also believe that no one should be discriminated against for their race, sexuality, culture, health, background, tastes, or (this is the one I have trouble with sometime) level of intelligence (self-righteous bigots fall into this category).

I’m watching Rent, one of my favourite movies because of it’s hard look at a social reality, like HIV, drug use and homelessness but also talks about other things, like love, friendship, courage, creativity and helping those in need.

I am not saying that Rent is the be all to the reality of social issues but it does talk about issues that some people cannot or refuse to accept. The truth is these people exist; HIV positive people exist, homosexuals and transgendered people exist, homophobic people exist, homeless people exist, drug users exist. These people are not any less deserving of dignity, help or love. They have people who love them, they have dreams, they have problems, they have talents and skills, they need help, they help others.

I don’t understand how anyone can look at people like this and believe that they are not deserving of help, love, acceptance or respect.

I had a phrase that I started using in high school. I felt like I was the only one willing to admit that I believed in homosexual rights. Many discussions consisted of me on one side of the debate with the rest of my class on the other. Their argument, it’s not normal. My defense, define normal? A concrete definition of normal does not exist in this ever changing world. What does exist is social reality. Obviously if homosexuality, homelessness, disease, illness or drug use exist, this makes it a social reality. Fine, some people have strong opinions on these social issues. I don’t expect everyone to accept everyone else, but you better well respect them. How does someone else’s sexuality harm you?

I hope to live my life by three simple rules; love others, respect others, accept others. Let these rules be mutual among the people I meet everyday and let me use these rules even upon people who break them.