I’ll do it when…

I’ll do it when I have more time. It’s always my excuse.

Talking about writing. I’ll do it when I’m not working a job I hate.

Finally working a job I love. I’ll do it when I’m not writing so much.

I respect people who battle their own minds. I can never seem to will that battle with mine.

I wish I had that drive people have. I’ve already come to forgone conclusion that I don’t have any drive in me.

You already know I’m a procrastinator. I’ve almost seemed to have been that when it comes to working this new found job that I love. As soon as I start, you can’t stop me.

It’s the starting that is the problem.

Wait, scratch that.

I guess I can’t say it’s a problem. There has not been a time yet that I haven’t made a paper deadline or been late with too many stories. I’ve left some on the sidelines so I could trying polishing the rest but I haven’t been to the point where I didn’t have more than enough of my work to go around.

But that is work. That is getting paid to write. That is doing the job I love and having something else drive me.

That has been another ‘I’ll do it when…’.

When I get paid to write fiction; brilliant, brilliant fiction, then I’ll work harder. Then I will have more drive. Then I will…

If not know, when? When will the ‘doing it when’s stop?

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Just do it!

One of the many problems that I have as I get older is getting rid of my safety net.

Before when I was having a problem, I always had my mom or my sister or a any friend willing to listen there to give me advice.

Now, I just want to be comfortable making these decisions for myself.

I know there is nothing wrong with asking for help but the older I get the more I think there are just some decisions I can handle on my own.

Crosswords are helping me with that.

I started doing them in my last couple years of university and yes, you can ask people for help with them but sometimes, there are questions that neither one of you can figure out. In those situations you just have to go with your gut, put down what you think it might be even if you’re not 100% sure and just go from there.

The world doesn’t end if you get it wrong and have to change it. Sure, your little grids don’t look as pretty with extra squiggles and lines over it but that doesn’t matter in the long run.

The world won’t end with you being wrong either. Failure is not the worst thing to ever happen to you. It may not feel like it at the time but you’ll know for next time what to do differently.

For some reason, I’m just starting to understand and put these words into practice now.