Am I a writer

I write for a living.

I write for fun.

But am I a writer yet?

I don’t feel like I am and yet I have a problem trying to improve myself as a writer.

I finally took the time today to go through the MANY saved pins on my Pinterest Writing board. I love what I am finding.

Story outlines, resources, tips, encouragement, everything is there for me.

Yet, I cannot make myself use it.

I feel like I am starting in the middle of something. I do not feel like I’m on the Go space. I feel like there is so much more I have to go through before I am worthy of all this new gold mine of information. I feel like I have not dug far enough.

A shout out to the Eva Deverell and Lady Writers League (Eva Deverell: http://eadeverell.com The Lady Writers League: http://ladywritersleague.com). I just signed up for her emails and I already love her work to help writers flourish.

Her first emails asked these questions:

“Have you secretly LONGED to write a novel but didn’t know where to start?

Maybe you even had an idea, but as soon as you sat down to write, you found that you couldn’t transfer that idea onto the page?

Or perhaps you got partway through a novel and then realised something was wrong and you couldn’t figure out how to fix it?”

You are not alone, she says, and that has made me feel a little better.

So what is the solution to my problem?

Looking at why this is happening, many things come into play:

Fear of course is the biggest thing. Feeling lazy is another one.

Combine the both of them and it is a rather daunting task to look at the novels on my shelf and want to create one of my own.

I guess time and hardwork will tell.

Tea with Ellie Word Challenge: Collywobbles

So many things give me the collywobbles nowadays. But how can you let it bother you when you’re talking about having the collywobbles?

https://elliesiansvisions.wordpress.com/2015/03/17/the-word-of-the-day-challenge-12/
https://elliesiansvisions.wordpress.com/2015/03/17/the-word-of-the-day-challenge-12/

I’m at the age where I’m realizing I’m starting to get older and things are changing more and more.

What am I doing with my career? Where are we going to live? When should we buy a house, have kids, start paying into our retirement fund?

Like  said though, these words were invented to quell all those fears.

Hee hee, collywobbles.

Raspberries and Roses

Lots of things take me back to growing up on the farm.

Fresh raspberries from the grocery store. One berry and I am 8-years-old and back in my grandmother’s garden picking fresh raspberries off the stocks.

When my grandmother was still relatively healthy, she had a beautiful garden. She had flowers everywhere, her vegetables in tidy rows. I’d come home from school in the spring or go for a bike ride during the summer and I could see her, bobbing between the rows, diligently weeding the dirt, the greenery almost tall enough to hide her from view.

It was hard “helping” her in the garden because as soon as everything was ripe, we’d eat more than we’d pick. Everything tastes better fresh.

The roses are something different but still remind me of my grandmother. I don’t know if red was her favourite colour. In all honesty I never asked her but I’ll always remember this red sweater she had. And this red blazer she would wear to almost every wedding and fancy-do. To this day, when I see red roses, I’m reminded of my grandmother; deep, rich and vibrant.

She was a quiet woman, but never a hold-things-in kind of woman. If she had something on her mind, she’d say it, she’d discuss it with you. She was the person I turned to a lot of the time. When parental knowledge wasn’t enough to calm the nerves, off to Grandma’s place I’d go.

When I was 12 and freaked out about Y2K (give me a break, I was 12), Grandma held me and told me it would be okay. When 12 year old logic didn’t see a solution to the problem, Grandma’s wisdom always did.

She loved ALL of us unconditionally, even considering she had 30 odd grandchildren from two marriages and 12 children.

Love was something she never could exhaust.

I’m disappointed that I became a journalist after she was gone. Along with my grandpa and my dad, her life was one of struggle and perseverance. But I’ll always remember her when I see roses and raspberries.

Tea with Ellie word challenge: supercilious

Now I didn’t know this one so here is the definition from Tea with Ellie:

wpid-wp-1425676858647

Working in customer service, you attribute this word to a lot of faces that you’ve had to deal with on a day to day basis.

The people who think they are too good for your return policy which you can get in shit for not upholding.

The people who think you are going to spam their email or steal their identities just by asking for their phone number.

The people who think it’s your fault that the sale was yesterday and they aren’t going to get that 6 pack of coke on sale.

To all my fellow minimum wage grunts the world would crumble without, keep your head up.

Don’t let people with supercilious attitudes keep you from treating everyone with respect. Don’t let them make you afraid of people. Don’t let them change your attitude about the next person who walks into your work place. Give people a chance because even though the first customer of the day is going to be supercilious, trust me when I say the next 10 are going to help you get through the day.

https://elliesiansvisions.wordpress.com/category/word-of-the-day/

 

My Amazing Mom

She is going to protest every word written here but I believe them with all my heart.

She is the strongest person I know. I have never seen her be anything else.

She’s had her problems and I’ve seen her down and I’ve seen her cry. None of that means that she isn’t strong and amazing.

She moved two provinces away to be with my dad who she had only known 9 months and yet followed her heart to be with him. They had the most amazing marriage I had ever seen. No one has ever had a more truly romantic story than they did.

She is strong in her opinions and beliefs. She made the decision to have all five of her kids without drugs because she believed it would be better.

When my father died, she made the decision to mourn but not give up on life. She continues to be herself and she has not let the experience negatively change her.

I remember when I was 18 and living in Newfoundland for three months. The rest of the family had also moved away from home by then and even my dad was working in Alberta during that time.

She was alone. Maybe for the first time in her life, truly alone. Yet she did not pity or feel sorry for herself, she just went on with her life and continued to be amazing. She knew we were all okay and safe and that is all she needed to know.

I sometimes feel guilty about leaving home just because I know how much she worries about me. She has never pushed this guilt on me. She has always been the one to give me a push and say see how far you can go. Katimavik, university, Halifax, there has never been a time she told me not to do it because of the pain she would go through.

Times when I was sick or lonely, I heard the pain and nervousness in her voice as I’d tell her what I was going through.

Words that will always stick with me is both mom and dad saying, “you got to know.” They have not only said those words but practiced them, leaving decisions up me.

Do I go do Katimavik? You got to know.

Do I go to university? You got to know.

Do I go to Halifax and become a journalist? You got to know.

There was only one time dad broke this rule. I laugh every time I think of me telling him that I had dropped out of university because I was on the waiting list for Katimavik. No classes had started yet and I had everything planned when I got the call that I had a mere chance to travel. Classes, an apartment, a job, all cancelled in a day because I knew no matter what happened, I wanted that opportunity. Both him and my brother were furious that I had cancelled everything on a whim. My mom and my sister stood by me and trusted me to make this decision on my own.

When I got accepted into the program two weeks later, my dad couldn’t be happier. My brothers on the other hand went into full on protectorate modes.

My brother Darren was scared because I wouldn’t know anybody.

My brother Duane was worried because I could get hurt and be so far away.

Mom silenced them all because it was my decision to go.

So Mom, on your birthday, I want to thank you for showing me what I strong, hardworking woman is. I want to thank you for always supporting me, even when that meant not seeing each other for months and years. I want you to know that these gifts you have given me will never be forgotten.

Join the party in Toronto on January 9th

If you are in the GTA on January 9th, be sure to check out the YOUeffect webseries launch party. Kelly Lovell and team have been working hard for the past 6 months to bring uplifting and inspirational posts to the blogosphere with YOU Effect.

Now we are launching a webseries to bring you videos about how people are making the world better. Be there to see how it all starts on Friday night.

Get your tickets and check out the YOUeffect blog.

Here is a sneak peak of the #awesomeness the #emulatorpro is bringing to the party. #DJofthefuture seems fitting for our event.

http://t.co/M7MnbMnBEs

Don’t forget to reserve your tickets! http://www.youeffect.eventbrite.ca